The Mobyjoe Cafe Weekly News Roundup – Week of 3/15

Ab-tastic Rep is forced to quit
Because he overspent a bit
His office looks like Downton Abby
While the voters paid his tabby
But he’ll always find employ
As Men’s Health’s favorite cover boy

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Starbucks tackles race relations
By prompting in-line conversations
Sorry if I sound real mean,
But I don’t chat before caffeine

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A rider to a slavery bill
Wreaks havoc up on Capitol Hill
For every woman should be free
Unless you’re talking pregnancy
Sure, Human trafficking’s an abomination
Still, let’s stall Lynch’s nomination
No bill should languish, doomed to molder
And neither should poor Eric Holder

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A runner at a New York meet
Swept a bystander off her feet
Unfortunately, the gesture was less than loving
Think–more like a high-speed shoving
Neither party was injured
And “wham-sauced” is now my favorite word
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Wall Street bites its nails and waits
While the Fed reviews the interest rate
But they aren’t the only nervous fretters
It’s time for college admission letters
Both Moms and bankers look for signs
And try to read between the lines
While figuring out how much to hoard
To pay for things they can’t afford

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Netanyahu’s re-elected
Not the outcome pols expected
Yet the news creates less racket
Than Obama’s b-ball bracket
But neither headline hopes to top
Bruce Jenner’s coming gender swap

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Robin Thicke’s back on the market
His ex-wife told him where to park it
Although he wooed her, undeterred
I guess some lines aren’t all that blurred

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Ashley Judd is fighting back
‘Gainst Twitter trolls bent on attack
She called out b-ball “dirty play”
And that is where she went astray
For trash talk is a dude’s domain
Male twitterverse has made it plain
She deserved the hate-sex drumming
Because, you know, she had it coming
(Threats are a first amendment exception
So let’s clear up that misconception)
The law may give you all a pass,
But if I was your mother, I’d ground your ass

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Sports reporters can’t be trusted
My NCAA bracket is already busted
Since it’s freed a ton of time up
I’m starting my fantasy baseball lineup

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Just remember….
Just when the world is looking bleak
We get to start a brand new week
The news is ours to create
So go out there and make it great

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The Mobyjoe Cafe News Roundup – The week of 3/1

Obama care goes to debate
Nine justices decide its fate
The next dispute they’ll lay to rest?
The color of that effing dress

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Google may rank hits by veracity
Their algorithms show perspicacity
Some sites may have to think anew
I wonder what Fox News will do?

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Netanyahu meant no offense
But offers up his recompense
If it keeps him in the club
He’ll take Joe Biden’s shoulder rub

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Hillary has secrets galore
And now her email hides much more
Will this gaffe be her downfall?
At least she doesn’t “reply all”

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Congress funds the DHS
But does so under great duress
The only place where they concur
Is how much their next raise is for

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K-Cups’ inventor shows regret
For spawning a pollution threat
But not as much as he laments
Forgoing payment by percent

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Climate change is one big hoax
Says the anti-science folks
Whatever the cause may be
This ******* winter’s agony

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In 2018, the circus grants
Amnesty to elephants
But Ringling’s not forgiven yet
For elephants never forget

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Tsarnaev’s trial has commenced
One hopes that justice is dispensed
The marathon continues on
Because the city is Boston Strong