The Democratic Debate in Haiku

Anderson Cooper

Is in a serious mood

His glasses say so

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The jumbotron set

Makes it look like a game show

Miss the big ass plane

________________________

Does CNN see

Their facebook logo placement?

Someone ****ed it up

_______________________

Cheryl Crow can sing

She even hit the high notes

(The tight pants might help)

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I know it’s sexist

But I wore Hillary’s suit

When I was pregnant

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I love you Bernie

But who pees in your cornflakes

Every damn morning?

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Who is this Jim Webb

He was once my senator?

Uhm. Yes. I knew that.

_______________________

Martin O’Malley

Says that he fixed Baltimore

What about those O’s?

_______________________

Hey Lincoln Chafee

Nineteen seventy nine called

Want their yardsticks back

_____________________

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Working people

Democrat Intro

___________________

Bernie Sanders says

Congress speaks like Eskimos

Thousand words for “no”

____________________

Wedded to the polls?

Hillary asks for numbers

“I’ll get back to you”

______________________

Martin endorsed Hill

‘I’m allowed to change my mind

Just like you change yours’

______________________

Our first Trump mention

“I may be a barker but

I own the circus”

_______________________

Chafee asks for slack

We don’t care that your Dad died

If it was your dog…..

___________________

I don’t care about

Hillary’s emails either

Let’s all unsubscribe

___________________

And I still don’t know

Anything about Jim Web

But he can tell time

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Hillary is asked

How she’ll differ from Barack

“Pee breaks take more time.”

____________________

This is so civil

There’s nothing to make fun of

I need more cowbell

_____________________

If O’Malley wins

I really hope he invades

New York’s Trump Tower

_______________________

What is Communist

Versus Social Democrat?

Putin bores Bernie

______________________

Jim Webb gets to speak

And what does he choose to say?

Yup. I killed a dude.

_______________________

Damn, I’ll never know

Which chick they’d put on the ten

Who will I vote for?

______________________

And Twitter weighs in

Martin won’t be president

But the man’s a DILF

______________________

Huckabee live tweets

And I trust him like I trust

His foot near his mouth

_______________________

That’s all I got folks

Until we get the next round

On the 28th

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GOP Debate in Haiku

By popular demand…..

GOP Debate

Ten dudes, one chick, one handler

And one big ass plane

__________________________

With them all lined up

Looks like a beauty pageant

Trump owns this one too

__________________________

Carly’s not alone

Don thinks Rand is ugly too

Chris Christie you’re next

___________________________

To deal with Russia

Trump goes golfing with Putin

And shows his big balls

__________________________

We have a winner

Planned parenthood and Iran

Best non sequitur

__________________________

When the Donald speaks

He tells us what “we all know”

Even if we don’t

_________________________

I don’t remember

The Reagan years like they do

Which of us was high

____________________________

Marco Rubio

Sounds like a movie trailer

For disaster porn

_________________________

I wonder if Jeb

Swaps tales with Eli Manning

Little bro syndrome

___________________________

Senator Graham’s troops

Look bigger cause they’re metric

Need conversion chart

_____________________________

Jeb says he smoked pot

And now I like him better

I feel so dirty

______________________________

“We all look alike”

Fiorina shakes her head

Not from the waist down

______________________________

Let’s save our children

From Islamic terrorists

Ban science projects

_______________________________

Donald Trump believes

His code name would be “Humble”

My bet? “Combover”

_______________________________

Sex drugs rock n roll

GOP, just outlaw fun

And make it simple

_________________________

I’m three hours in

So our “official language”

Is all adjectives?

________________________

Is it my tv?

The Donald’s face is redder

Than Huckabee’s tie

________________________

Trump has more haiku

Than the other candidates

Just like his air time

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All the candidates

Compare themselves to Reagan

The big ass plane wins

Live Tweeting the Debate

Watching the debate?

I’ll be live-tweeting my thoughts

But in haiku form

———————————-

The fun starts at eight

I’m skipping the kid’s table

Unless I’m real bored

———————————–

I’m also playing

The Rolling Stone drinking game

To up the ante

_______________________

If it gets dull we’ll

Discuss Donald’s combover

Live or Memorex?

______________________

Join me on Twitter

(I’m @jnbeverett)

For some wonk-haiku