The Democratic Debate in Haiku

Anderson Cooper

Is in a serious mood

His glasses say so


The jumbotron set

Makes it look like a game show

Miss the big ass plane


Does CNN see

Their facebook logo placement?

Someone ****ed it up


Cheryl Crow can sing

She even hit the high notes

(The tight pants might help)


I know it’s sexist

But I wore Hillary’s suit

When I was pregnant


I love you Bernie

But who pees in your cornflakes

Every damn morning?


Who is this Jim Webb

He was once my senator?

Uhm. Yes. I knew that.


Martin O’Malley

Says that he fixed Baltimore

What about those O’s?


Hey Lincoln Chafee

Nineteen seventy nine called

Want their yardsticks back


Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Working people

Democrat Intro


Bernie Sanders says

Congress speaks like Eskimos

Thousand words for “no”


Wedded to the polls?

Hillary asks for numbers

“I’ll get back to you”


Martin endorsed Hill

‘I’m allowed to change my mind

Just like you change yours’


Our first Trump mention

“I may be a barker but

I own the circus”


Chafee asks for slack

We don’t care that your Dad died

If it was your dog…..


I don’t care about

Hillary’s emails either

Let’s all unsubscribe


And I still don’t know

Anything about Jim Web

But he can tell time


Hillary is asked

How she’ll differ from Barack

“Pee breaks take more time.”


This is so civil

There’s nothing to make fun of

I need more cowbell


If O’Malley wins

I really hope he invades

New York’s Trump Tower


What is Communist

Versus Social Democrat?

Putin bores Bernie


Jim Webb gets to speak

And what does he choose to say?

Yup. I killed a dude.


Damn, I’ll never know

Which chick they’d put on the ten

Who will I vote for?


And Twitter weighs in

Martin won’t be president

But the man’s a DILF


Huckabee live tweets

And I trust him like I trust

His foot near his mouth


That’s all I got folks

Until we get the next round

On the 28th


Haiku News Review

GOP rallies

Should use classical music

Dead artists can’t sue


Donald Trump’s all heart

“We should help the refugees

Just send the ‘good ones’.”


Serena loses

Venus offers Lifesavers

“You got a whole roll?”


Mike Huckabee thinks

Dred Scott’s the “law of the land”

Is that Common Core?


Late Night cheers Biden

Funny, everyone likes him–

Now that he won’t run


Redbook’s new cover

Featured true sized “real women”

And a workout plan


Hillary, if you

Want to keep emails secret?

Teenage IT team


Fat-shaming people

Is your first amendment right

But you’re still a jerk


If a weatherman

Can pronounce that Welsh town name

Please say nu-cle-ar?


Rick Perry drops out

I wonder if Lenscrafters

Will give a refund


The Pittsburgh Steelers

Say the Patriots cheated

Football caucus race

The Mobyjoe Cafe Weekly News Roundup – Week of 3/15

Ab-tastic Rep is forced to quit
Because he overspent a bit
His office looks like Downton Abby
While the voters paid his tabby
But he’ll always find employ
As Men’s Health’s favorite cover boy


Starbucks tackles race relations
By prompting in-line conversations
Sorry if I sound real mean,
But I don’t chat before caffeine


A rider to a slavery bill
Wreaks havoc up on Capitol Hill
For every woman should be free
Unless you’re talking pregnancy
Sure, Human trafficking’s an abomination
Still, let’s stall Lynch’s nomination
No bill should languish, doomed to molder
And neither should poor Eric Holder


A runner at a New York meet
Swept a bystander off her feet
Unfortunately, the gesture was less than loving
Think–more like a high-speed shoving
Neither party was injured
And “wham-sauced” is now my favorite word

Wall Street bites its nails and waits
While the Fed reviews the interest rate
But they aren’t the only nervous fretters
It’s time for college admission letters
Both Moms and bankers look for signs
And try to read between the lines
While figuring out how much to hoard
To pay for things they can’t afford


Netanyahu’s re-elected
Not the outcome pols expected
Yet the news creates less racket
Than Obama’s b-ball bracket
But neither headline hopes to top
Bruce Jenner’s coming gender swap


Robin Thicke’s back on the market
His ex-wife told him where to park it
Although he wooed her, undeterred
I guess some lines aren’t all that blurred


Ashley Judd is fighting back
‘Gainst Twitter trolls bent on attack
She called out b-ball “dirty play”
And that is where she went astray
For trash talk is a dude’s domain
Male twitterverse has made it plain
She deserved the hate-sex drumming
Because, you know, she had it coming
(Threats are a first amendment exception
So let’s clear up that misconception)
The law may give you all a pass,
But if I was your mother, I’d ground your ass


Sports reporters can’t be trusted
My NCAA bracket is already busted
Since it’s freed a ton of time up
I’m starting my fantasy baseball lineup


Just remember….
Just when the world is looking bleak
We get to start a brand new week
The news is ours to create
So go out there and make it great

The Mobyjoe Cafe News Roundup – The week of 3/1

Obama care goes to debate
Nine justices decide its fate
The next dispute they’ll lay to rest?
The color of that effing dress


Google may rank hits by veracity
Their algorithms show perspicacity
Some sites may have to think anew
I wonder what Fox News will do?


Netanyahu meant no offense
But offers up his recompense
If it keeps him in the club
He’ll take Joe Biden’s shoulder rub


Hillary has secrets galore
And now her email hides much more
Will this gaffe be her downfall?
At least she doesn’t “reply all”


Congress funds the DHS
But does so under great duress
The only place where they concur
Is how much their next raise is for


K-Cups’ inventor shows regret
For spawning a pollution threat
But not as much as he laments
Forgoing payment by percent


Climate change is one big hoax
Says the anti-science folks
Whatever the cause may be
This ******* winter’s agony


In 2018, the circus grants
Amnesty to elephants
But Ringling’s not forgiven yet
For elephants never forget


Tsarnaev’s trial has commenced
One hopes that justice is dispensed
The marathon continues on
Because the city is Boston Strong