Rude Awakening a.k.a. Rise and Shine Champ

teen sleepingThe dude is the spitting image of his father. See him first thing in the morning, however, and there is no doubt that he is his mother’s son.

My husband pops out of bed each morning at 5 a.m. and runs. I don’t even try to walk to the bathroom until I’ve checked email on my IPhone and I hear the dude’s alarm go off. His alarm is loud. We bought it for him two years ago when he kept sleeping through the beep each morning. This alarm honks. It flashes red lights, and makes  his mattress shake.

He sleeps through it anyway. It irritates me enough, however, to go tell him to wake up. I knock on his door and open it to let the cat in. If the hallway light isn’t enough to rouse him, the cat will head butt him until he surrenders. I check Facebook and a couple of news sites and if he’s still not awake, I go in and nudge him again. Once he’s in the shower, I go back to sleep. It’s a functioning system.

That is, unless my husband gets home from his run before I am awake enough to wake up the dude. If he comes upstairs and the dude isn’t in the shower, he rousts the dude himself.

The dude does not like this.

What he tells me is that my husband opens the door, pulls the covers off and says “Time to get up Champ! The sun is shining, let’s go get ‘em Tiger!”

The reality is that my husband basically does exactly what I do–he opens the door, nudges the child and says “Get up.”  Unlike me, however, there is no implied message of  “Get up already, I want to go back to sleep, so if you miss the bus you’re walking to school.”  I guess that qualifies as perky.

I remember feeling the same way at that age. My recollection is that my mom would sing to me and ask me how I was. I started getting up early to avoid it. Telling her that I don’t know the $%^& I am, but I’m not sleeping so probably could be better, would likely get me grounded. I have a feeling, however, that she probably just knocked on the door and said, “Get up.” Like my son, I just remember it differently.

Yesterday was the dude’s last day of school. I did wake him up, but my husband came in from his run just as the child was heading out the door.  My husband said a simple “Hey Dude.”

I could hear the dude sigh all the way upstairs. His voice was a flat monotone. “Are the garbage cans still in the garage?”

“Nope,” said my husband. “Garbage doesn’t go out until tomorrow.”

“Oh. Right.” The dude opened the door but my husband stopped him.

“Hey–Have a great day, Champ!”  I could hear the fake exuberance in my husband’s voice. I love my husband.

The dude paused. “I’ll forget you said that.”

No he won’t. His father is counting on it.

 

Words by J. B. Everett

Photograph “Teen Boy” by Husin Sani © 2007 Creative Commons

For you, mother, on your special day

starbucksIt is one of our typical Saturday afternoons–pick the dude up from something or other, then buy food. Buying food is a part-time occupation. Cooking it is another. This trip is a trifecta, buying groceries, getting subs, then hitting Starbucks. The dude needs his Frappuchino. While standing in the line at Safeway, the dude notices more than a few teenaged boys standing in line buying flowers.

“Is it prom already?” he says.

That is when I realize that he has no clue that tomorrow is Mother’s Day.

“Nope, I don’t think so. Maybe they’re buying them for their mothers.”

He gives me the look. “Ha ha. Very funny Mom.”

He honestly thinks that I’m yanking his chain. At least I think so. I consider for a moment that he could be yanking my chain–that he knows that tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Perhaps this is all a big ruse to throw me off track.

“It’s got to be prom,” he repeats.

While we’re waiting in line at Subway, I finally break down.

“It’s not prom, you know.” He looks at me blankly. “Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, but you knew that didn’t you?” Of course he didn’t. I just wanted to see that oh crap look on his face. I’m such a good Mom.

“No joke?” I just smile. In grade school, the kids write poems and make cards. Once they hit middle school the curriculum enforced mother worship is a thing of the past. I personally think that’s why mothers stop volunteering after sixth grade. Just saying.

“That’s why your Dad is taking me out for dinner tonight.” My husband blew it the first Mother’s Day and learned his lesson. Take care of your wife. A teenaged boy is about as useful as a newborn when it comes to Mother’s Day. Dinner is cheap in comparison to a week of motherly pissed offedness.

He gives me a fist bump. “Go Dad.” After some consideration, he says, “You shouldn’t feel bad. You have that poem I wrote for you on your office wall. That’s got to count for something.”

I do love the poem. It is very cute. He wrote it in fifth grade. He forgets that it’s not on my wall anymore. He made me take it down lest someone see. “The one that mentions how much you love Kanye West?”

He shushes me. “Okay, so it’s a little old.”

I give him my saintly-mother smile. “I’d be happy to put it back up again.” The poem also mentions that I make him take out the trash. He does love me so.

We get our subs and head to Starbucks. They are  running a promotion – half price Frappuchino. “I’ll buy you one,” he says as he pulls out a Starbucks gift card he got for Christmas.

As we’re waiting for our drinks, he says “You know what’s funny? You gave me that gift card, so you’re sort of buying your own coffee.”

“I feel so special,” I reply.

But the truth is, I do. I’ve just spent the last thirty minutes hanging out with my son. We spend a lot of time together. We talk over dinner and keep track of baseball scores. He pesters me while I read, and I nag him while he plays video games. It’s all good.

He puts an arm around me. “I’m hugging you in public.”

“Is there anyone you know here?” I ask.

“Of course not,” he answers.

“Dad is making me breakfast tomorrow, too,” I tell him.

“Okay,” he says. “Make sure you wake me up when it’s ready.”

Words by J. B. Everett

Photograph “Hmmmm Frappuchino” by Jeroen Bennink © 2007 Creative Commons